S1E3: The Golden Pair: ENFP & INFJ Compatibility
Brought to you by So Syncd, the first personality type dating app and website.
We talk to a golden pair to explore ENFP and INFJ compatibility. Anna (INFJ) and Logan (ENFP) met at work five years ago. They reconnected on Snapchat a few years later, after Logan accidentally thought that Anna was his cousin! And the rest was history. In this episode, they talk about their mutual love of ideas, their first date in an RV and how they complement each other.
Jess (INFP): Hi, welcome to Personality Love Lab, where we interview real people and real couples to delve deeper into personality types, and love.
Lou (ESFJ): This podcast is brought to you by the sisters who created So Syncd, the dating app that matches compatible personality types.
Jess (INFP): My name is Jess. I’m an INFP, also known as The Dreamer
Lou (ESFJ): And I'm Lou, an ESFJ, also known as The Supporter. Today on Personality Love Lab we have Anna and Logan from Canada. Anna is 33, Logan is 38 and they've been together for two years.
Jess (INFP): Anna is an INFJ, also known as The Counselor. Logan is an ENFP, also known as The Enthusiastic, and we are really excited to interview you guys because you would be the perfect personality pairing on So Syncd.
Lou (ESFJ): So how did you guys meet?
Logan (ENFP): We met at work.
Anna (INFJ): We met in 2013. Logan is a business owner and I had started my own bookkeeping business. And then he ended up being one of my clients. So we first met strictly on a professional basis. So we worked together for I think about three years and he was not single at the time, although I totally crushed on him. Of course, nothing happened! And then about two years ago, I was still in his phone because of work and then he accidentally added me on Snapchat. So we reconnected on Snapchat and we started chatting and it went from there.
Jess (INFP): That's so cute. So it really was fate.
Anna (INFJ): Totally. I think so.
Lou (ESFJ): Was it difficult in those early years when you were working together?
Logan (ENFP): Well, when we worked together, we didn't work together full time, like one-on-one. Anna would come in on a Saturday or for an afternoon, whatever she did. So I didn't have too much communication with her at that time.
Anna (INFJ): But there were some days, like some days he wasn't there, but then of course, some days I'd be like, ‘What, what about this bill payment?’ Or, you know, just questions about the business in order to do the books. But I do remember, I could tell that I liked him and then he mentioned something…he said he was married. And I was like, ‘Oh man.’ And this is so weird to say this now, but I seriously remember that the more that we worked together, I remember one day seriously sitting there and we had just had a conversation about something. And I remember thinking to myself, ‘Man, I could marry that guy.’ And now we're together!
Jess (INFP): And what happened after the whole Snapchat adding? How did it progress from that?
Logan (ENFP): Well, what happened was I actually had gotten a new phone. I don't have any social media myself except for Snapchat, which isn't really social media. I'm not very up to date, I guess, on a lot of technology around social media. I just added everybody back onto Snapchat that was in my contacts, so Anna was on there. I can't remember if I reached out to her or she reached out to me.
Anna (INFJ): He didn't know who I was at first! He thought I was a cousin or something. He has a lot of family. And so then he was Snapping me weird stuff and I was like, ‘Oh my God, I don't think he knows who I am.’
Logan (ENFP): Oh yeah, it was pretty weird!
Anna (INFJ): And actually, when he messaged me, I was in Europe. I have some family in Europe, so I was in Europe for about a month and he messaged me. I think I did like a story or something on Snapchat about me being in Europe and specifically in Poland. And he works with a lot of Polish people. His business partners are Polish. So then it always came up that, I'm Polish, because he works with Polish people.
So then I had made a story and then he messaged me like the next day or something. And he's like, ‘Oh no, I think I figured out who this is.’ He's like, ‘I'm so sorry for all the weird stuff I've been sending!’ And I was like, ‘That's okay.’ And he had messaged me about two days into my trip, so then I think almost every day after that we messaged each other on Snapchat and then we switched to WhatsApp. I loved it because I get really nervous about dating. I get nervous about going on dates. And so [I loved] the fact that I already knew him from work and then we messaged each other every day for almost a month.
And then we came home and then we went on a date. Date, or our kind of date. And so it just worked out perfect for us because we really needed to get to know each other and just messaging each other while he was in Canada and I was in Europe for almost a month. It worked out perfectly for us.
Jess (INFP): It's really important to do that sometimes. And I guess different things are right for different people. What I've noticed is there's this big movement towards meeting up in person as quickly as possible. It's not always the right thing to do. Particularly people on so Syncd, they really enjoy chatting online and that's totally fine. It's just a different way of getting to know someone.
Anna (INFJ): Totally. I agree. And I used to be one of those people. I used to actually used to be like, ‘Oh, we need to meet up ASAP because we need to see if we have chemistry in person. Okay, but I see that this point of view, because it worked for me too. Well, I did know that I had chemistry with Logan already, but I guess with being an INFJ, I do tend to eventually see the perspective of many different types of people. So yeah, I agree.
Lou (ESFJ): Yeah, definitely. So what was your first date like after you'd been messaging for a months?
Logan (ENFP): I was in between houses, so I was living in a RV for a few months at my parent's farm.
Anna (INFJ): Okay, so he was going through a divorce. He decided to, well, it was agreed that he was going to move out of the family home and he wasn't sure if he wanted to invest in another home or where he wanted to live. So his brother owns an RV at their parents' farm and was like, ‘Hey buddy, do you want to just stay here?’ So Logan said yes. And do you want to say it? Where our first date was?
Logan (ENFP): So that’s where our first date was. Anna came over…
Anna (INFJ): We watched a movie in an RV. It was perfect. And I loved it. I loved it, especially because I love like so many people would say, ‘Oh my God, I'm not going to an RV for first date.’ But for me it was perfect. It suits him. We were on a farm. The scenery was beautiful. I loved how unique it was. And it was perfect for us.
Jess (INFP): It sounds really unique. It sounds really lovely. So what first attracted you to each other? And I know you had this period where you weren't dating for a long time. I don't know if you remember from back then, but is there anything that really stood out?
Logan (ENFP): That Anna she was, or is very, very caring person, very passionate about what she does. Very creative, very, very beautiful.
Lou (ESFJ): Were those personality traits evident from the very beginning or did it take a bit of time to notice them?
Anna (INFJ): I actually remember first shaking Logan's hand the very first time that we met. I totally remember that. I don't know if you do, but I remember being introduced to him and right from the get go, seriously, it was just like, ‘Oh, I'm just meeting another professional contact. I'm just meeting someone that I'm going to be working with.’
And then as time went on, through our conversations, I realized how caring he was. He loves to listen and I'm a big talker and it was like, any word I would say…he was so interested in everything I had to say. And I mean, any person wants to feel that way, that someone really values what they're saying.
I was really attracted to that as time went on, I saw him as a business owner, how well he treats his employees and how caring he is with his employees. This is a guy who, literally, if his employees have trouble making rent or whatever, he will pull money out of his own pocket and he will give it to them. And that really attracted me to him. How many business owners or bosses have you had where you know that they don't care? And this guy does. And I love that. And so those were the qualities. And of course, as we got to know each other, I was like, ‘Man, he's hot!’
Jess (INFP): That's so cute. And like you said, there aren't that many people in the world that are that kind. I think you can really tell a lot about someone by how they treat other people and not only you.
Anna (INFJ): Totally.
Lou (ESFJ): At what point did you first consider yourself a couple?
Logan (ENFP): I pretty much did right away after the first date, but I think it takes Anna longer to make decisions. So it probably took, I don't know…
Anna (INFJ): It took me probably like a couple of weeks or a month or something.
Logan (ENFP): l think it was more like a couple months of us…
Anna (INFJ): …of us hanging out regularly. I don't know why because, well, I remember thinking I need that official statement. I need us to verbalize it, that we are officially together. And actually, I remember now. Logan told me that it was up to me. Do you remember that? He was like, ‘All right, I want to be your boyfriend, but it's up to you.’
And I remember being like, ‘Oh, whoa, this is my decision.’ And I wanted to, but being an INFJ, I take dating very seriously. I don't like casually seeing someone. So then it did take time for me to, I guess, just accept that this guy is right for me, we do work so well together and I can definitely see myself having a future with him. So probably took…
Logan (ENFP): And I didn't want to put any pressure on you or anyone, and that's why I left it in your hands.
Jess (INFP): It's quite typical for ENFPs to dive head first into things, including dating. It's also quite typical for INFJs to take their time to open up.
Anna (INFJ): Totally.
Lou (ESFJ): So when did you first discover your personality type?
Anna (INFJ): So about 10 years ago, I did the test and then it turned out that I was an ENFJ. And I remember reading the description and thinking, ‘Oh yeah, this is spot on. This is totally how I am.’ And then for years, I didn't actively think about it all the time, but every once in a while, I'd be like, yeah, I’m an ENFJ. I am. And then probably about three years ago, I did the test again. Online. And it turned out that I was an INFJ, and I was like, ‘What?’ But then I thought about my life and it was true. And I read somewhere that said something like, oftentimes INFJs can be misinterpreted as being extraverted because they do have so much love for people.
And I thought, ‘Oh, that's what happened to me!’ And so yeah, about three years ago was when I realized I was an INFJ. And what about you, babe?
Logan (ENFP): Well, I only knew about this about a year ago when you told me about it and you got me to take the test about a year ago.
Anna (INFJ): He got the result that he was an ENFP and it totally makes sense. He's a business owner. He's incredibly creative. He always has wild ideas and then I read online that it was the perfect match and we do meld so well. So then, we realized our personality matches were perfect.
Jess (INFP): Has knowing your personality types or each other's personality types made you think differently about your relationship or helped in any way?
Logan (ENFP): I don't think it's made me think differently about it. Like I only found out what personality type I was a year ago and I haven't really looked too much into it. Only when Anna sometimes will send me…or I'll read something.
Anna (INFJ): I’m the big personality test geek between us. I'm the one who's super into it.
Logan (ENFP): I didn't even know what if there was a match between two personality types honestly when she sent me the test to take…
Anna (INFJ): For me, I think that because I'm a J and he's a P, he oftentimes (and I love this) lets me have the final decision or make the final say in things. And I think that that's really important because I think that if two Js are together, they will butt heads because they want to both be the leader. They want to finalize the plans.
So I think that is something…It's not something where I’m like, ‘Oh no, I'm a J so I get to make the decision.’ I just know that that's naturally how my personality is and it works with his P.
Lou (ESFJ): That definitely makes sense. And I guess this ties into that, but do you find you have different strengths and weaknesses in your relationship?
Anna (INFJ): So Logan was really good for me because I am intensely idealistic. So idealistic that I often in my head. You know, I'm thinking about how the world should be. I'm exploring different concepts on how to help humanity and Logan very much helped me get out of my head. He is more grounded. He is more realistic. So he is just able to help me, I guess also bring my ideas into reality.
So for example, because Logan is a successful business owner, I have been able to take time off work, and I have been able to work on one of my own concepts because I'm an INFJ, I value creativity and I value independence. I want to work for myself. So because of that, I've been working on a business idea and Logan has really been able to have input into it and help me make it into a reality. So that is a way that he has just been able to ground me because [us] INFJs are so often just in our heads.
Jess (INFP): That makes sense. INFJs are known for being particularly reflective and you touched on this a bit, but what do you most like about each other's personality?
Anna (INFJ): Okay, so Logan is very…I love this about him and this has been something that really has always intrigued me about people who are STs, and I'm an NF, so I'm the opposite, but I was always so interested in how ISTPs think or how ESTJs are , because they’re very logical, very straightforward, they're big thinkers, but I was always turned off by how abrupt or how non-emotional they would be.
I love, I admire, I really admire how Logan can be very objective. So he will see people, you know, different sides of a story, or he'll see one person's side of a story. He'll see the other person's side of the story,
Logan (ENFP): So I’ll be very open between the two. Yep.
Anna (INFJ): And then he'll be very empathetic. So he will be like, ‘I see why X did this and I see their side and Y did this and I see their side too.’ And so for me, that really allows me to, you know, bring out my T side or my logical side and be like, ‘Yeah, he is right, you know, there are multiple sides to the story. Or it is important to be very frank about who did what, but then also incorporate emotions. That really helped me. And that's what I love about him. Of course, there's more, but to me that's a very rare attribute that he is very objective, but also very empathetic.
Lou (ESFJ): That is really lovely. And Logan, what do you love most about Anna's personality?
Logan (ENFP): I think I love the most probably how caring she is and how much she cares about other people. I like all of her ideas. She has a lot of different ideas that I've never heard before, or I've never known anybody like her before.
Anna (INFJ): And I love that he loves my ideas. I have met people who are like, ‘You're crazy.’ Or, ‘You and your crazy ideas.’ And then it just makes me feel invalidated.
Logan (ENFP): I like ideas. I welcome ideas at work. I like it. When employees come to you with ideas…my secretary, you know, it keeps me going. New ideas are what changes the world.
Jess (INFP): I completely agree. It's so important not to discourage people from sharing ideas.
Logan (ENFP): If everybody had the same idea, nothing would go forward, right? So I'm always interested in new ideas and Anna always has lots of new ideas, which keeps me always thinking.
Lou (ESFJ): You probably have some great conversations because of it as well, I would imagine.
Anna (INFJ): Totally. He's so open to them and I just love it. I remember one time in one of my group chats, I started talking my girlfriends’ group chat, I started talking about one of my ideas and one of my girlfriends said something like, ‘Anna, I don't know about you and your crazy ideas.’ And I just felt so shut down. But with Logan it's like…
Logan (ENFP): Well, I think that there are no bad ideas. They're all just ideas. And that's what they are. There’s no good or bad idea. It's all just information basically.
Anna (INFJ): And sometimes, even with like the business that I'm working on right now, it started off with something different, a different idea, and then it slowly morphed into another idea. So for me, I totally see that value where you have some people, especially ISTJs are very much, like, ‘That's just a stupid idea that you'll never be able to process into reality.’
Logan (ENFP): And I remember in the beginning, I told you, ‘Okay, if that idea doesn't work, don't worry because it might turn into something else.’ Which it is evolving into something else.
Jess (INFP): That's really cool. I guess, is there anything you would change about each other's personality?
Logan (ENFP): No.
Anna (INFJ): You're so cute. Okay. I'm going to say one thing, however, it's also been a benefit for me, because Logan is so kind, caring, accepting and so forgiving, sometimes he's not very assertive. So I think that it can be easy sometimes for people to take advantage of his kind of nature. But also I love his kind nature. I enjoy it. But I have seen situations in his past where people are not genuine with him and they're just using him.
So then from my point of view, it would help if sometimes he was more assertive, but literally that's like the only thing that I would suggest for a change.
Jess (INFP): And then what challenges have you faced as a couple? I know Logan, you said you were coming out to the divorce as you started dating. Was that tricky in any way?
Anna (INFJ): How was it babe?
Logan (ENFP): Hmm. Like tricky in which way? I was already well out of a divorce for about a year…or separated.
Anna (INFJ): You had just moved out like a few months before. Well, one thing…it's not going badly, however it is a challenge is that he's divorced and he has three children. With his ex-wife. And one thing that we are working on right now is family planning, or how to balance out time with the children.
We are more adamant about spending time with the kids, having them more often. Unfortunately, sometimes what happens is that when there is a split, the kids will go with the mother. And because in is not assertive, sometimes what will happen is the ex will just get her way. And so I haven't been really putting my foot down and I'm really, I guess, just vocalizing that it’s not fair.
And so family balancing, I guess maybe as a term for it, has been sort of a challenge for us. However, it's a challenge that I think that we are overcoming and then a future challenge that I think is something that we will definitely have to deal with is that we do plan on having children. And so then there will be blending. Blending a step family, older children getting used to having a young sibling, age gaps between the children. And so I think that is something that we will be facing.
And then other than that, you know I have lost girlfriends because they are jealous of how wonderful our relationship is. I've literally had girlfriends think that I'm lying and they think that I'm just making up this fairytale story that I have such a wonderful man and such a great relationship. And I can't deal with friends who don't believe me. And so then, besides those challenges, I would say every aspect of our relationship is great. It's wonderful.
Jess (INFP) & Lou (ESFJ): Oh, that's so lovely to hear. So lovely.
Jess (INFP): Well, thank you so much for coming on the podcast, guys. It has been amazing having you on.
Lou (ESFJ): You can clearly sense a great ENFP-INFJ compatibility.
Anna (INFJ) & Logan (ENFP): Thank you. Thank you for having us.
Lou (ESFJ): Thank you for listening to Personality Love Lab. If you're in a relationship and would like to be featured on our podcast, please email us at hello@sosyncd.com. The email address can also be found in the show notes.
Jess (INFP): And if you're single, sign up to So Syncd for free today to find your compatible Myers & Briggs personality type. You can download So Syncd from the Apple App Store or the Google Play Store. We'll see you next week!