S2E8: Love at First Swipe: ENFJ & ENFP Compatibility

Brought to you by So Syncd, the first personality type dating app and website.

You can listen to the full episode of our podcast on Personality Love Lab, Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

We explore ENFJ and ENFP compatibility with Nat and Ellis. Nat (ENFJ) and Ellis (ENFP) met on a dating app. After some terrible dates with men, Nat decided to change her dating app preferences to women and Ellis popped up. Nat was attracted to the way that Ellis could use fractions and Ellis liked that Nat had ‘one eighth Jamaican’ on her profile, so it was a match made in heaven, despite Nat turning up an hour late for their first date. In this episode, they talk about dating while Nat was still living with her previous partner, their wedding in the middle of Covid and Nat’s daily business ideas.

Lou (ESFJ): Hi! Welcome to Personality Love Lab, where we interview real couples to delve deeper into the 16 personality types and love.

Jess (INFP): This podcast is brought to you by the two sisters who co-founded So Syncd.

Lou (ESFJ): So Syncd is the dating app that matches compatible personality types.

Jess (INFP): Are you fed up with meaningless swiping and wasting time on bad dates? With So Syncd, you no longer have to leave love to chance.

Lou (ESFJ): So Syncd offers a whole new approach to dating, which is totally different to anything you've ever tried before.

Jess (INFP): Download it today for free now to find your perfect personality match and make meaningful connections. It's available in your iOS or Android app store.

Lou (ESFJ): We’re your hosts. I'm Lou, an ESFJ, also known as So Supportive.

Jess (INFP): And I'm Jess, an INFP, also known as So Unique.

Jess (INFP): So firstly, how did you guys meet

Nat (ENFJ): On a dating app, before So Syncd. It was my first time on the dating app. I just broke it up from a long-term relationship and I was on a few dates with some horrendous men and I thought, ‘Why am I not dating women?’ And I just changed the filter and Ellis popped up. It was love at first swipe.

Jess (INFP): Was Ellis literally the first profile that you saw?

Nat (ENFJ): No, I went through a really narrow age bracket and then I exhausted all of those without actually swiping for anyone and then just lowered my age range. And then I think that Ellis was the only profile that I couldn’t quite swipe past.

Ellis (ENFP): What a cradle snatcher.

Nat (ENFJ): I think your profile just kind of stood out because you'd written a bit about yourself and you seem quite confident and know who you were. She had ‘10 out of 10 gay’ written on her profile, so I quite liked the way she could use fractions.

Jess (INFP): Shows a bit of intelligence, hey.

Nat (ENFJ): I was just curious and turns out it was right for me

Jess (INFP): And Ellis. What did you notice about Nat’s profile?

Ellis (ENFP): You did have the random jumble of four letters that I had no idea what they were, which is ENFP.

Nat (ENFJ): ENFJ, love.

Ellis (ENFP): J! Oh! One of the main things I think about her profile that attracted me was the fact that she had written she was an eighth Jamaican on it! And I'm half Jamaican and if you were bragging about that, fair enough. But an eighth?!

Jess (INFP): Bit of a stretch.

Ellis (ENFP): And actually, it turns out she's a sixteenth Jamaican.

Jess (INFP): But it all worked out, so it was a lie that was worth it.

Lou (ESFJ): And then what was your first date like?

Ellis (ENFP): I would say pretty electric would be my word for it. There was a lot of chemistry, I would say.

Nat (ENFJ): We really did click on meeting. I was over an hour late.

Ellis (ENFP): Which was the bit where I was like, ‘Oh my God, she's not even coming. I’m being stood up,’ but obviously she couldn’t let me know she was on her way because she was driving!

Jess (INFP): That’s quite impressive being an hour late. It's one thing being 10/15 minutes late, but an hour! But great that you waited.

Nat (ENFJ): Basically, I kept coming off the wrong exit on the roundabout over and over again. I was quite nervous to be meeting Ellis. And then I couldn't park in front of her on a road.

Ellis (ENFP): She took 15 minutes to park on one road and she blocked up the entire road.

Jess (INFP): That’s so funny.

Lou (ESFJ): And then what did you do on the date? Did Nat go to your house Ellis?

Ellis (ENFP): Yes and Nat actually met me at my house and then we drove to Hayling Island beach and we basically had a sunset on the beach and had pizza on the beach and stuff like that.

Jess (INFP): That sounds like a really lovely first date.

Ellis (ENFP): I planned it all so Nat definitely thought I was a romantic.

Nat (ENFJ): I would say you won a lot of romance points on that.

Jess (INFP): And so Nat, you said that you were nervous before you got there. When you got there, were you still nervous or did you kind of just relax straight away?

Nat (ENFJ): I was completely relaxed. I think as soon as I met Ellis, I just felt almost at peace, I guess is a good way of describing it. I was completely chilled out and being myself from pretty much the off. I felt so comfortable that I could give you a present.

Ellis (ENFP): Yes, she gave me a gift! Which I was like, ‘Oh my God is this first day etiquette?’ But it wasn't quite a gift was it? It was a bit of an insult.

Nat (ENFJ): No, it was an insult actually.

Lou (ESFJ): What was it?

Ellis (ENFP): It was elephant shaped paperclips. And on the wrapping paper she wrote ‘Be less boring’.

Nat (ENFJ): Ellis is an accountant and they're typically quite boring. So I just thought ‘they must use paperclips’.

Ellis (ENFP): Which I do.

Nat (ENFJ): They went down okay.

Ellis (ENFP): It showed you listen to when I said my favourite animal was an elephant.

Jess (INFP): That’s really interesting that you're an accountant because you're the opposite personality type for your typical accountant. Most accountants are ISTJs or that's a very typical personality type.

Ellis (ENFP): Oh wow.

Nat (ENFJ): I reckon it's probably because you got into it really young.

Ellis (ENFP): Yeah, I was only 14 when I got into it.

Jess (INFP): And what first attracted you to each other on the date?

Ellis (ENFP): Mine was definitely Natalie's face when she was parking the car. What I would think is, a normal person would just get frustrated at doing that and ‘Oh my God, I'm blocking the whole road. Oh my God, I can't park.’ Nat was just laughing the entire time, just laughing at herself. I think I'd never seen such a beautiful laugh.

Lou (ESFJ): And then Nat, what first attracted you to Ellis on the date?

Nat (ENFJ): Just how calm you made me feel and chilled. You have a really nice voice as well.

Jess (INFP): It makes a difference, doesn't it? Those calming voices are just really nice to be around, they’re soothing.

Ellis (ENFP): Like a therapist kind of thing.

Nat (ENFJ): I guess you’re also a little bit intense. So definitely when we first started dating and everything you said, you meant. Properly with purpose and as for me, I'd never come across anyone who was quite as passionate with everything they were talking about. And for me, I just find that completely intriguing.

Jess (INFP): ENFPs are quite interesting cause they’re usually quite intense, but not so intense in a planned way. Do you know what I mean? Not like planning out everything, but in a ‘passionate about the thing that they're doing right now’ way.

Nat (ENFJ): Right. Wait a minute, that thing my Dad called you.

Ellis (ENFP): That’s just what I was going to say, what was it that your Dad called me? A bunny boiler?

Nat (ENFJ): I asked my Dad what he first thought about Ellis and he turned around and said, ‘I don't think bunny boiler is quite the right word.’ ‘You mean intense? I think it's intense.’

Jess (INFP): That’s quite funny. But then I think ENFJs can be quite intense in a kind of slightly different way. Do you think that's fair?

Nat (ENFJ): Yeah, probably. I would say I'm probably intense about stuff that I've planned. And things working out exactly how I've planned them, when I've planned them. And probably more intense with my actions and doing stuff. Whereas I think emotionally, you're probably more intense.

Ellis (ENFP): Yeah, I would say.

Lou (ESFJ): And then how did it progress after the first date? Did you see each other again quite quickly?

Nat (ENFJ): So we were meant to have a second date a week later, but I orchestrated a date a couple of days later. So we went to an arcade and played on the 2p machines. And Ellis tried to impress me so much by trying to win a lolly which you failed at.

Lou (ESFJ): When did you first consider yourself a couple?

Ellis (ENFP): For me, I probably saw us as a couple and quite exclusive from the off, so pretty much when we were messaging.

Nat (ENFJ): So I would say I felt we were quite exclusive from the beginning with the messages so I didn’t continue swiping for anyone on the dating apps or talking to anyone. But I wouldn't have said we were girlfriends yet because I wasn't out to anyone as being gay. So I didn't feel comfortable in being your girlfriend until I had at least come out to my parents and my close family. Because, I don't know, I just felt that I was living a little bit of a lie for them.

Jess (INFP): How long was that for?

Ellis (ENFP): When me and Nat we're getting to know each other. I told her about my ex keeping me secret for three years pretty much. And I think because Nat knew about that, she probably took it upon herself to come out very quickly. Even though I didn't put the pressure on her. I didn't want her to feel that pressure because I understood how hard it was to come out. But you put my feelings before your own and just went for it. And I think it was in literally the first month of us even dating. So, pretty quick.

Nat (ENFJ): It was a case that we went down to Cornwall, and we had a weekend camping and going to the Eden Project and seeing Blondie and stuff like that. And on the way down, I suddenly thought, ‘Well, we're driving past my parents' house. I'll just park up, go inside, tell them to sit down and tell them, ‘I’ve got something to say.’ My mum guessed! So she really did rain on my bonfire really. And then I was like, ‘Right, we're off to enjoy our weekend. See you later.’ Bish. Bash. Bosh.

Jess (INFP): You just sat them down and said, and your mum said, ‘Oh, I suspected already’ or…?

Nat (ENFJ): So it was about a five minute conversation, wasn't it? You were in the car?

Ellis (ENFP): Yeah. I waited in the car. Because I was like, ‘they didn't need to meet me yet’.

Nat (ENFJ): But turns out my Mum was really keen on meeting you.

Ellis (ENFP): Keen! You call me intense?

Nat (ENFJ): My Mum wouldn't basically let the weekend pass without meeting Ellis. So they knew where we were staying and just pretty much turned up and took us for a really awkward lunch.

Ellis (ENFP): Yes.

Jess (INFP): Was it not so smooth at first?

Nat (ENFJ): Well, it's just where I saw the proper ENFP come out of you basically. My Mum, she had her own views of probably who I should be dating and where I probably should be in my life at that point. Because I think she hadn't quite got over me breaking up with my ex and Ellis defended me to the hills!

Ellis (ENFP): Looking back, I was probably a bit much to Natalie's Mum. I'd only been dating Natalie for a month and then I met her Mum and I'm like ‘No, you don't know your daughter’. Definitely a bit much, it's probably why your Mum didn't warm to me so quickly. She loves me now. That's great.

Jess (INFP): Aww, that's cute though. Good that they’ve warmed to you now I guess.

Nat (ENFJ): I've never felt so uncomfortable. There was definitely, complete tension. We're all sat there eating a crab sandwich and yeah, I felt so uncomfortable, but I was like, ‘Wow, someone's standing up for me’ and it was quite attractive.

Jess (INFP): I know ENFJs in particular don't love conflict. So I can imagine it was a bit painful for you. Also very cute at the same time. And when did you first discover your personality type?

Ellis (ENFP): Mine was when I was dating Natalie and she literally, I think without even speaking to me on the phone, only speaking to me via message. She sent me a link to the Myers-Briggs quiz. And I did it and I was like, ‘Okay, well I'm this, does it matter?’ Apparently, it does!

Jess (INFP): Of course it does!

Ellis (ENFP): I think if I had the letter T or something in it, she was just going to cut and run then.

Jess (INFP): Nat you knew already which types that you were better matched to?

Nat (ENFJ): I knew what I wasn't matched to. I definitely was on the lookout for someone who had some feeling and was empathetic to other people. For sure. I first came across Myers-Briggs at work because for a bit of a laugh in the office, we all went around and did the quiz to see if we should be getting on with each other or not. And I think it's one of those things that when you read your profile, it instantly either clicks with you and you're either like, ‘Oh yeah, I do do that. That's exactly me. Or, you know, that's how I do deal with stress at work’ and things like that. I'm a firm believer in it that there is definitely something in it. It's not quite like horoscopes where everyone's pretty much the same and it’s all airy fairy.

Jess (INFP): For the app, we try and write the profiles so that each person completely relates. If you read a profile of any other type, you just would not relate in the same way.

Ellis (ENFP): I think even now there'll be a Myers-Briggs personality meme and Nat will tag me in and I’ll go, ‘Yeah, that's me’.

Jess (INFP): Hopefully one of ours!

Ellis (ENFP): Usually! We’re all over your Instagram page.

Jess (INFP): Well, an ENFP-ENFJ couple would be almost a perfect match on our app. It would have well over 90% compatibility.

Ellis (ENFP): So we would have found each other if we went on So Syncd.

Jess (INFP): For sure! It's funny because they both tend to be quite positive personality types. So I've got this kind of image in my head of just lots of fun and excitement happening. Is it quite like that?

Nat (ENFJ): I mean, you can be quite…

Ellis (ENFP): I can be quite, I wouldn't say negative, I'd say realistic. Whereas you can be, you are super optimistic, which is very nice sometimes. Although when you have ideas, I'm very much your cheerleader.

Nat (ENFJ): Oh yeah. For sure. My many business ideas, I'm not even a business woman but I have business ideas.

Ellis (ENFP): I mean, these are kind of on a daily basis.

Jess (INFP): Keeps it interesting.

Nat (ENFJ): And it's good to have you on side because you know, you're always looking for the tax implications, which you always see as very important.

Ellis (ENFP): But it is really important! It is, 100%.

Lou (ESFJ): Do you think knowing each other's personality type has impacted your relationship at all?

Ellis (ENFP): I think for you, it was probably quite important.

Nat (ENFJ): Yeah. I think for you knowing that I'm not very good with conflict and communication. I communicate quite poorly, especially during conflict. So that's probably helped us a little bit.

Ellis (ENFP): Yeah. For sure.

Nat (ENFJ): Rather than you getting upset that I'm not actually responding to you.

Ellis (ENFP): Other than me thinking, ‘you’re the worst’, I just put it on pause and just think, ‘nope, she's processing’ or ‘she doesn't actually like talking about things because she thinks it's just conflict’. But you have got really, really good at your communication to be fair.

Nat (ENFJ): You haven't let me off, I don't get to go to sleep until it is resolved.

Jess (INFP): What kind of things do you guys talk about on a daily basis?

Nat (ENFJ): Pretty much anything and everything. You’re pretty much the sole human I've seen since March, because I've been working from home since then. And you'd been working from home a lot, but I think we're very future-focused. I'd say, we do talk about the future quite a lot.

Ellis (ENFP): Yeah, for sure.

Nat (ENFJ): Where we see ourselves in five years. And before we got married, we wrote on a little post-it note, some of the things that we wanted to achieve while we were married and so that we could look back every few years and see if we've ticked any of them off. One of them was get a golden retriever, so we've ticked that one off. One done! But we do talk about the future a lot. I don't really like small talk and something that attracted me to you is how deep the conversations were from the off.

Ellis (ENFP): Oh yeah. I think in the first telephone conversation we had I said, ‘So do you want to get married and have children?’

Nat (ENFJ): Ooo quite intense!

Ellis (ENFP): But I think that was just because I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want to get married and have children.

Nat (ENFJ): You don't want to waste your time.

Ellis (ENFP): I didn’t was to waste your time!

Jess (INFP): That's fair. And I think both ENFPs and ENFJs are not so keen on small talk, they do prefer to talk about the bigger things, like future goals or your biggest aspirations or your biggest fears and things like that. And I'm kind of the same really. I would prefer to skip the small talk and just talk about the interesting juicy stuff. Right?

Ellis (ENFP): It’s all about the juicy stuff.

Lou (ESFJ): What do you like most about each other's personality?

Ellis (ENFP): I probably like how positive you are, because sometimes I can be like a black cloud. You are always positive and looking at the best of things and holding onto hope when there's not even hope there sometimes. Literally I've got this chronic pain in my arm and I've had it for three years and there's literally like five or six doctors that have looked in and gone ‘dunno’. And I’ve got another doctor's appointment, at another hospital, blah, blah, blah. And Nat’s like, ‘They're going to find something, they're going to know what it is, they're going to figure out’. And I'm like, ‘No they’re not’. She kind of sparks that little part of me that's like ‘maybe they are’.

Nat (ENFJ): I guess for me I really like how passionate you are about things. And it's not like you've got a hobby that you're really interested in or anything like that. It's just, I think what we touched on earlier was that in the moment when you're talking about something, whether it's something that's happened at work or something, you just light up and you're so focused on it. And I find that really intriguing, I guess intriguing is the best word. It kind of captivates me.

Lou (ESFJ): That’s nice.

Jess (INFP): Is there anything that you would change about each other's personality? Anything that you'd like each other to work on a little bit?

Ellis (ENFP): I would probably 100% change how you don't like conflict. Even though it's sometimes a good thing, because I can get quite aggressive…

Nat (ENFJ): Feisty, I would say feisty.

Ellis (ENFP): Alright, feisty during conflict. But you don’t, you get to the point where you hate conflict so much that you choose the easiest way out. And usually the easiest way out is not listening to how you really feel about situation. So you always put everyone else before your own feelings.

Nat (ENFJ): I completely relate to that.

Jess (INFP): That's definitely a personality type thing as well. So ENFP tend to be very aligned with what they feel about things and what they think. And they're more open to expressing that. ENFJs tend to put other people's feelings ahead of their own and find it a bit harder to express really what they feel and think about things.

Nat (ENFJ): So basically I put you on a pedestal and a dance around it positively.

Jess (INFP): But you said you worked on that.

Nat (ENFJ): Yeah, you don't just let me just get away with that.

Ellis (ENFP): No, I don't let you get away with putting other people before yourself. Even if it's me, you're putting before yourself. I'm like, ‘No, come on, how do you really feel?’.

Nat (ENFJ): That definitely came out when we were wedding planning. Our wedding plans changed about eight times. About six weeks before our wedding we had to restrict the numbers of 30 and I'm like, ‘yeah, we can still do it’.

Ellis (ENFP): Very positive!

Nat (ENFJ): And then it's Boris [Johnson] bringing in his rule of 6, two weeks before our wedding. And all of our accommodation got cancelled because we had houses that accommodate more than six. And I’m like, ‘We can find accommodation for 20 guests. It's fine’.

Ellis (ENFP): I'm like, ‘No, we can't, let's just postpone the whole thing. Let's get married next year’.

Nat (ENFJ): But that was proper, I got really upset about it. And I was like, ‘No, this year has to have something positive coming from it’. I think I did stand up for myself.

Ellis (ENFP): Yes, you did. You did for sure stand up.

Nat (ENFJ): But I think you prompted me to stand up for myself because I was like, ‘Okay, let's just postpone’. And you're like, ‘Hang on. No, you don't want to postpone. No, I can see it in your face.’

Lou (ESFJ): What challenges have you faced as a couple?

Ellis (ENFP): Absolutely loads on the way, haven’t we?

Nat (ENFJ): I mean, from the off.

Ellis (ENFP): From the off, literally when we first started dating. Nat still owned a house and lived with her ex. It was really, really hard for me. I don't know if this is a personality thing, but I get very jealous.

Lou (ESFJ): I don't think that's just you. I think anyone would be in that situation.

Ellis (ENFP): That was quite tough because that was for quite a few months.

Nat (ENFJ): And we lived quite well, not a really big distance away, but with traffic, it could take about two hours to drive between our houses.

Ellis (ENFP): Sometimes if the traffic is horrendous.

Nat (ENFJ): Hence why I was always late! So that was a huge challenge.

Ellis (ENFP): I mean, I've got chronic illness and I was quite sick at time when we first started dating. And that again was a bit of a thing you have to get head round.

Nat (ENFJ): Yeah, it was something I had to get my head around, but you're still you.

Ellis (ENFP): We moved across the country because we were talking about the future a lot and where I want to get in my career. And a job came up, literally it was 200 miles away. So we both quit our jobs and we moved across the country together without knowing anyone or having any friends in this area. And it was a bit nuts, wasn't it?

Nat (ENFJ): It was a bit nuts, for sure. But we've come out better for it.

Jess (INFP): And just when you were still living with your ex-partner Nat, was that a bit strange for you as well? Did you have to talk to your ex-partner and say, ‘I’m dating someone new that I really like’?

Nat (ENFJ): Oh my gosh, it was so difficult because, again, it's conflict. I was living in a house of conflict causing conflict whenever I was going around to your house. And you're like, ‘Well, have you sold your house yet?’

Ellis (ENFP): I wasn't that bad.

Nat (ENFJ): No, you weren’t but it was important to you. I mean, it was important to me, but I did have to speak to my ex because I didn't want him finding out from anyone else that I was dating. And I guess there was a little bit of relief on his part when he found out you're a woman. I think it's a male pride thing. It was really tricky. And I mean, the house sale fell through. We got there in the end.

Ellis (ENFP): Of course we did.

Nat (ENFJ): We're stronger for it, but it definitely put a huge strain on our relationship. So it really did kind of testify when we got through that. How strong our relationship was, pretty much from the off.

Jess (INFP): What are your strengths and weaknesses in your relationship?

Nat (ENFJ): Neither of us can catch spiders.

Ellis (ENFP): You're very good at being the typical wife - cooking and cleaning. I don't even know what I'm good at?

Nat (ENFJ): But I kind of just get to do kind of what I want, and you're quite happy to support me in doing it. So if it came to DIY, you wouldn't interfere and say, ‘No, I want to do that’.

Ellis (ENFP): God, no!

Nat (ENFJ): You'd rather just kind of sit and watch and go, ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’

Ellis (ENFP): Or ‘that looks good!’

Nat (ENFJ): Because I'm quite practical. And I quite like doing things that are kind of action-orientated whereas you're…I guess you're the one that phones around and complains. Restaurant complaints.

Ellis (ENFP): Oh yeah. I always complain if things aren't good enough.

Nat (ENFJ): Within that kind of conflict, I'm going to sit in the car and wait.

Ellis (ENFP): She gone.

Lou (ESFJ): And then final question, which is probably a good one for you guys if you like to plan ahead. What are you most looking forward to in your future together?

Ellis (ENFP): Retirement?

Nat (ENFJ): I would say, probably children and then just being our own little unit. Because we’re quite good at being a team as it is, so having two little mini-Natalie and Ellis’ running about.

Ellis (ENFP): I mean, before Peaches, the dog, I would have said, really looking forward to it kids, but Peaches is hard work. So I imagine kids are probably a little bit harder, although you don't really have an eight month old running around on four legs.

Nat (ENFJ): I'm looking forward to it just being at peace and just existing and being. It's quite nice, I've quite enjoyed the whole humdrum of lockdown to be honest with you.

Lou (ESFJ): I'm an ESFJ and I've always been very extroverted. But I've enjoyed lockdown so much, I was wondering if it had turned me into an introvert.

Nat (ENFJ): Well, I did the quiz again on your app just to make sure I was still an ENFJ because I was doubting myself, because I was enjoying it so much, but I still came out as an ENFJ.

Jess (INFP): I wonder if it's because ESFJs and ENFJs tend to be quite home-orientated. So they’re extroverts, but they quite homely at the same time.

Nat (ENFJ): Come round and have a meal kind of thing?

Jess (INFP): Exactly and also they just quite enjoy being at home with their home comforts. So maybe that plays into it a bit as well.

Nat (ENFJ): I'd agree with that. We like hosting, don’t we? A little bit.

Ellis (ENFP): Yeah. I prefer hosting than going out.

Nat (ENFJ): It means you can stay in your PJs!

Jess (INFP): Ideal. Yeah, exactly, sounds great to me. Cool. Well thank you so much for coming on Personality Love Lab. It's been just great to hear about your relationship and it just sounds like it was just right from the very beginning. Which is just lovely.

Ellis (ENFP): Thank you. It's been really nice chatting with you guys.

Lou (ESFJ): Thank you for listening to Personality Love Lab. We hope you enjoyed hearing this love story about personality type compatibility, and don't forget to click subscribe.

Jess (INFP): And if you're looking for your own love story, head over to your app store now and download So Syncd, the dating app that matches compatible personality types. It’s free and you can find people who are looking to connect on a deeper level.