S1E9: The First So Syncd Couple: ENFJ & INFJ Compatibility
Brought to you by So Syncd, the first personality type dating app and website.
You can listen to the full episode of our podcast on Personality Love Lab, Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
This week we explore ENFJ and INFJ compatibility. Indy (ENFJ) and Ben (INFJ) met on So Syncd during lockdown in mid-April. Indy lives in France and Ben lives in the UK, but Ben was recently able to travel to Paris to meet Indy and we talked to them only two days after they first met in person. In this episode, they talk about connecting during a global pandemic, their mutual love for each other’s intuition and accidentally wearing matching outfits on their first date.
Jess (INFP): Hi, welcome to Personality Love Lab, where we interview real people and real couples to delve deeper into personality types and love.
Lou (ESFJ): This podcast is brought to you by the sisters who created So Syncd, the dating app that matches compatible personality types.
Jess (INFP): My name is Jess. I'm an INFP, also known as The Dreamer.
Lou (ESFJ): And I'm Lou, an ESFJ, also known as The Supporter.
Today on Personality Love Lab we have an extra special interview with a couple who met on So Syncd. Ben is 42 and lives in the UK. Indy is 41 and lives in France. Ben is an INFJ, also known as The Counselor, and Indy is an ENFJ, also known as The Mentor.
Jess (INFP): After meeting on our app during lockdown they video dated for a few months, but due to the travel restrictions being lifted, Ben was recently able to travel to Paris to meet Indy. We talked to them only two days after they first met in person. We’ve now had nearly 100 success stories from So Syncd, but this is actually the first time that we have interviewed a couple who met on the app for our podcast.
To start off with, can you please tell us a little bit about how you met and who first started the conversation on So Syncd?
Ben (INFJ): Wow, it feels like a lot has happened since then! As far as I remember, it was Indy who made first contact. Yes?
Indy (ENFJ): Yes, I did.
Ben (INFJ): We got talking and we just completely fell for each other. Indy, would you agree!?
Indy (ENFJ): To start with, we both had the same idea to check on Google for ‘MBTI dating’. So Syncd appeared and I enrolled maybe 15 days before you signed up.
Ben (INFJ): I think both of us hadn't been on it for very long. We were both kind of jaded with the dating apps that were already out there and we were aware of MBTI and thought we’d give it a go.
Indy (ENFJ): After 15 days, when I saw his picture and his description, I was like, ‘Okay, I will not let him go!’
Jess (INFP): Oh, that's so cute! What was it about each other's profiles that stood out?
Ben (INFJ): I think for me personally, it was Indy’s honesty. And her ideas about spirituality and the bigger picture with things. I think by our own admission, neither of us really do small talk that well. We like to think of big thoughts, big dreams, things like that. And we just ended up being fairly similar in our outlooks. I don't know about yourself, Indy?
Indy (ENFJ): Yes, I think it was the easy way that we came to communicate with each other. It was really easy and it felt like home very fast.
Jess (INFP): That’s one of the great things about personality type dating is that you do tend to meet people who are on a similar wavelength. I also struggle with small talk but the feedback that we've had from the app is that people are having really great conversations about deeper topics. Even personality types themselves make for a more interesting conversation starter.
Ben (INFJ): I mean, absolutely. With MBTI, there's the idea that there are many types of personality. Well, basically the 16 types of personality. And then obviously big talk is only one aspect of that, but for me and Indy that was something that was really big for us. We looked at the idea on your website about compatibility and matching. I kind of already knew about it before, but I thought I'd give it a go and it just proved to be really accurate for us.
Indy (ENFJ): Yes, it is.
Lou (ESFJ): Am I right in thinking that you met in person for the first time this week after meeting on So Syncd in April?
Ben (INFJ): Yes, we are in Paris at the moment. I came here on Friday and this is the first time we've met.
Indy (ENFJ): Physically.
Ben (INFJ): Yes, physically together. We've been spending months since April talking, videoing and closely watching the news in the UK [to see when the travel restrictions would be lifted]. We finally met and we’ve spent the last few days together in Paris. It has been fantastic.
Lou (ESFJ): You initially connected when both the UK and France were in lockdown and you dated virtually at first. What was your first virtual date like?
Indy (ENFJ): It was on video.
Ben (INFJ): I mean, it was on social media, on a thing called Google Hangouts. We made a bit of an evening of it because at the time when it happened during lockdown, I don't think any of us knew where life was going at that point. We thought maybe this is just the way it's going to be from now on, certainly for the next few months, so we got dressed up, didn’t we? It sounds crazy now,
Indy (ENFJ): We had cocktails and drinks. Oh no – you had wine and I had beer.
Ben (INFJ): It sounds crazy now but we thought we were just going to do it and have a bit of a laugh with it. It wasn’t an entirely serious concept.
Indy (ENFJ): But the first time on video, it’s quite a lot.
Ben (INFJ): Yes, it was. It was a big, big point.
Indy (ENFJ): A big step! And then we had matching outfits without talking.
Ben (INFJ): That was strange.
Indy (ENFJ): It was strange.
Lou (ESFJ): What were you wearing?
Ben (INFJ): I was wearing a shirt with red patterns on it. I think with hearts.
Indy (ENFJ): I had also red pattern, but it was a red lips on dark blue.
Ben (INFJ): Yes, that's right.
Lou (ESFJ): That's so sweet. And then what was your first day like together in Paris?
Ben (INFJ): There was a lot going on in Paris. Initially we stayed in a hotel in the centre of Paris, just down the road from The Louvre.
Indy (ENFJ): Rue De Rivoli.
Ben (INFJ): Yes, Rue de Rivoli. We obviously spent the evening together. In the morning we went up the Eiffel tower. We went up there and we got some amazing photographs.
Indy (ENFJ): The Eiffel Tower was only like 20% full, so it was exclusive to have the Eiffel Tower this way. The weather was fantastic.
Ben (INFJ): We went to have some coffees, have some food and just walked around. By the end of the day I was absolutely knackered.
Indy (ENFJ): We went to the Rodin Museum.
Ben (INFJ): Yes, we went to the Rodin Museum.
Indy (ENFJ): We did quite a lot of visits. We walked like 15 km on the first day.
Jess (INFP): It’s a lot of walking! So you'd been video dating since mid-April. Were you nervous about meeting in person?
Ben (INFJ): The thing we realized nearer the time was because lockdown was beginning to be eased everywhere, that obviously facemasks are an issue on public transport, so not only did we have to recognize each other through some of the crowded places, but…
Indy (ENFJ): In Gare du Nord we had to recognise each other with facemasks.
Ben (INFJ): We didn’t take our facemasks off until we got outside, did we? Which was like 5-10 minutes after.
Indy (ENFJ): I knew your outfit because you showed me a picture and I sent you a picture of my outfit.
Jess (INFP): It does complicate things (the whole facemask thing).
Indy (ENFJ): Of course, you know that moment when you're going to meet…finally! It's very emotional and I was shaking.
Ben (INFJ): My eyes were just like…I was lost for words…I still am lost for words, if I'm entirely honest with you.
Jess (INFP): That’s so lovely! And what first attracted you to each other?
Ben (INFJ): I think your intuition, your honesty. I think Indy’s ability to just remain positive, to be able to just identify the emotional context of a situation, whatever mood I may be in. Indy?
Indy (ENFJ): What is the first thing that attracted me [to you]? That would be your understanding of things in general of life, your deep thinking and also your understanding of me because you know me very well. You can see right through me.
Jess (INFP): That's quite a special thing when that happens, right?
Indy (ENFJ): Yes. It's pretty unique.
Lou (ESFJ): When did you first consider yourself a couple?
Ben (INFJ): This is a big one. I mean, for me personally, I think in the early days.
Indy (ENFJ): Yes, quite early. I think we had been contacting each other every day.
Ben (INFJ): I mean, initially we would hold back from each other, but very early on we spent a lot of time conversing with each other and I think we just sort of fell into it from a very early point.
Jess (INFP): Did you ever have a conversation where you decided that you were officially a couple or did you both just know?
Ben (INFJ): I think we've talked about it a few times, haven't we? But very briefly. I think we just did kind of know.
Indy (ENFJ): Well, when that became like…not a friendship! It became like…how to say that?
Lou (ESFJ): Flirty?
Ben (INFJ): We like to talk about the bigger picture, like we said before. We just start talking about the bigger picture in terms of ideas about us going forward.
Indy (ENFJ): I think from an early stage we did a lot of planning of what we could do together.
Jess (INFP): It's definitely a sign that you're a couple when you're planning things far into the future together. You've obviously known your personality types for a while. When exactly did you first discover your personality types?
Ben (INFJ): For me? I think it was probably several years ago. I'm naturally curious about the idea of different concepts of personality just as a means to really getting on with each other, especially in the workplace. Obviously, there are different types of people and learning about personality types is a good way to know what people's strengths are, know where possibly you are different to them and meeting people in the middle. It's just something that I probably have used in the workplace. I'd never really thought about using it for a relationship until obviously your dating website.
Indy (ENFJ): Dating app!
Ben (INFJ): Dating app, yes.
Lou (ESFJ): What about you, Indy?
Indy (ENFJ): I discovered my MBTI four years ago and I've kept doing it to check. All the time I've been doing it, it happened to remain the same results all the time. And then I was really into this MBTI thing. I started to guess all my friends and family. I'm like, ‘What are they?’ And then it became obvious that it's better for me to be surrounded with people that are NFs. That's what I tend to prefer. And for work, I know it's completely different, there are many different types of personality, but for my close friends and my partner, I would prefer NFs for sure. So that's why I decided, ‘MBTI dating…cool! That works!’
Jess (INFP): If you studied personality types for a while, you can look back and look at trends at which types you suit better. There very often are trends. There are definitely certain personality types that I connect better with than others.
Lou (ESFJ): Do you think that knowing your personality type has impacted your relationship all?
Ben (INFJ): Yes, absolutely. For me I think it has made things happen quicker.
Indy (ENFJ): Much deeper and quicker.
Ben (INFJ): Yes, deeper and quicker. Often with relationship building it's very much kind of feeling your way forward, seeing what does and doesn't work. With things like this, it is actually pretty accurate. You kind of knew me, I knew you. I’m more of an introvert, if I’m entirely honest with you, obviously because of my type and you were aware of that. And the same for you, as you're obviously an extrovert. You more draw your energy from the people around you, whereas I'm kind of quiet, laidback, having to gather my energy and my own thoughts.
Indy (ENFJ): But then we’re pretty similar, which is pretty nice. It makes it easier.
Ben (INFJ): Things are just easier, quicker and deeper, like Indy says.
Jess (INFP): I guess you know what to expect a bit more, right? If you already know that someone is an extrovert or an introvert, you know what characteristics to expect. I think it can help in terms of finding someone you truly connect with, but it can also help hugely, as we've touched on briefly, with providing a framework to understand the person that you're with. Understanding their strengths and weaknesses, understanding yourself, understanding your own strengths and weaknesses and also working through conflict. It’s very useful.
It sounds like you guys have some similarities and some differences, and that is exactly what we do with app. We pair people with certain similarities, so they form a strong connection, but certain differences, so it creates a spark and it isn't just something that's platonic.
Indy (ENFJ): Yes, it's really good to have this app.
Ben (INFJ): Yes. I mean matching with people isn't necessarily about just hitting everything completely right. There are things that me and Indy would probably disagree on at the moment. They seem to be very few and far between. However, we can think about each other's thought patterns of how we would perceive something going forward so we can have a discussion that is…
Indy (ENFJ): Constructive.
Ben (INFJ): Yes, constructive.
Jess (INFP): Yes, exactly. I don't think that disagreeing is necessarily a bad thing. It can help you grow as a person and see things from different perspectives. I think it's all about how you deal with it. I think how you said it: constructive. That’s the best word. If you deal with it in a constructive manner than disagreements can actually be positive in a way.
Ben (INFJ): Absolutely. It really just brings a new way of thinking about something. Something where you may not have approached the new perspective yourself.
Indy (ENFJ): Yes. We have perspective in some things and we can still understand each other.
Lou (ESFJ): And what kind of things do you guys talk about?
Indy (ENFJ): There are lots of things.
Ben (INFJ): We're both quite spiritual people. We mostly think about things about improving the human mind or things about psychology.
Indy (ENFJ): A growth mindset.
Ben (INFJ): There's a lot of great stuff out there on the internet about different ways of approaching problems, problem-solving, things like that. We both quite like the idea of learning different types of concepts about the human mind.
Indy (ENFJ): Neuroscience.
Ben (INFJ): Yes, neuroscience in a strange way. She's going to try and teach me about yoga because she's really into that and I’m absolutely useless at it.
Jess (INFP): Give it a few weeks and you might be a pro.
Ben (INFJ): Well, I don't know about that! But yes, anything and everything. It's fairly big stuff to be honest in terms of concepts and ideas. It's not for everyone, but it works for us.
Indy (ENFJ): We like having some deep discussions.
Lou (ESFJ): You've talked about what first attracted you to each other, and this might be fairly similar as you met quite recently, but what do you most like about each other's personalities?
Ben (INFJ): Indy’s intuition.
Indy (ENFJ): Mine would be the same for you then. Intuition for you.
Ben (INFJ): Indy’s positive outlook, especially with the current situation with COVID-19. I think we both initially offered a lot of support to each other. We realized very soon on, I mean literally the first time we messaged, how far apart we were. We both supported each other.
Indy (ENFJ): You mean location far apart?
Ben (INFJ): Yes. For me personally Indy is just a 100% positive person. A 110% positive person.
Indy (ENFJ): For you it would be your intuition then.
Lou (ESFJ): You're obviously quite a new couple, but you've connected during what is the biggest global pandemic of our lifetimes. What has been most challenging for you as a couple?
Ben (INFJ): Wow, for sure. Distance, power cuts, Wi-Fi not working, changes in law, whether we can travel or can't travel, the hour time difference sometimes and the picking each other up when the other person is perhaps running a bit low on energy. The kind of keeping each other motivated.
Indy (ENFJ): It's mainly due to distance and time.
Ben (INFJ): Absolutely nothing is insurmountable.
Indy (ENFJ): No big challenges except for distance.
Lou (ESFJ): I think with lockdown lots of people have felt that energy has been low. I guess it's really nice for you guys that you've had each other to pick each other up.
Ben (INFJ): Absolutely. It has been great.
Indy (ENFJ): Lockdown has been a way of developing myself.
Jess (INFP): That's a good way of looking at it. The lockdown combined with the distance is a pretty big thing to overcome and it's really great that you guys have. At the beginning of lockdown, did you think that you might find a partner during the pandemic? Or did you think that it might actually be really difficult because it would be harder to meet in person?
Indy (ENFJ): I guess for me I feel like I was really lucky to find you. I mean, I wouldn't imagine this to happen actually. I was just like, ‘Why not give it a try?’ But I was not expecting that much. I felt so lucky.
Ben (INFJ): I mean the lockdown in some ways was good because it was very relaxed with us and I personally thought we may not meet for some time, so thought let's just spend this time making the most of getting to know each other. Being open and honest and going from there.
Jess (INFP): When it's right, it's right.
Ben (INFJ): Yes!
Lou (ESFJ): Final question, as a new couple, there are lots of exciting things to look forward to. What are you most looking forward to in your future together?
Ben (INFJ): Hmm, wow. Big one. Potentially movement from one way or the other.
Indy (ENFJ): Yes, living together.
Ben (INFJ): We're considering the options that are available to us and we are watching closely the things going on with the French and the UK governments to see what's happening and obviously with the wider picture.
Indy (ENFJ): Brexit.
Ben (INFJ): Essentially there are things going on for political reasons, so we obviously need to be mindful of that. Just planning to do things together and obviously learning some more yoga.
Indy (ENFJ): And some French!
Ben (INFJ): My French is atrocious.
Jess (INFP): It's so exciting. We would really love to stay in touch with you guys. Thank you so much for coming on Personality Love Lab. It's just been really, really lovely to chat with a couple who met on the app.
Ben (INFJ): Great. Thank you. We just want to send, sent our heartfelt thanks to you guys.
Indy (ENFJ): Yes, thank you.
Ben (INFJ): You've really changed our lives. We've obviously never met you guys but it's very sincerely heartfelt. You've really just made two people very happy.
Indy (ENFJ): Yes!
Lou (ESFJ): Oh, that's so lovely. We're so, so happy.
Jess (INFP): That's so lovely. Thank you. That's exactly why we created So Syncd, to have things like this happen, and to hear it play out is truly amazing.
Lou (ESFJ): Yes, I think particularly with lockdown, we were thinking, ‘Oh God, how will this affect people meeting up,’ but to hear such a great success story is really lovely.
Thank you for listening to Personality Love Lab. If you're in a relationship and would like to be featured on our podcast, please email us at hello@sosyncd.com. The email address can also be found in the show notes.
Jess (INFP): And if you're single, sign up to So Syncd for free today to find your compatible personality type. You can download So Syncd from the Apple App Store or the Google Play Store. We'll see you next week!