S2E4: Instant Chemistry: ENFJ & INFP Compatibility

Brought to you by So Syncd, the first personality type dating app and website.

You can listen to the full episode of our podcast on Personality Love Lab, Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

This week we explore ENFJ and INFP compatibility with Ella and Josh from the UK. Josh (INFP) went for an interview at the chemistry company where Ella (ENFJ) worked. Much to Josh’s surprise, Ella immediately invited him for fajitas but he had to drive back to another city. Josh ended up getting the job offer and they started working together. After friend-zoning each other, Ella left to travel the world for six months until romance was sparked by Josh spontaneously flying to see her in Australia. Eight years later, they are (just) married. In this episode, they talk about the way they handle Josh’s need for alone time, their strong moral compasses and their love for coca butter.

Lou (ESFJ): Hi! Welcome to Personality Love Lab, where we interview real couples to delve deeper into the 16 personality types and love.

Jess (INFP): This podcast is brought to you by the two sisters who co-founded So Syncd.

Lou (ESFJ): So Syncd is the dating app that matches compatible personality types.

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Jess (INFP): Download it today for free now to find your perfect personality match and make meaningful connections. It's available in your iOS or Android app store.

Lou (ESFJ): We’re your hosts. I'm Lou, an ESFJ, also known as So Supportive.

Jess (INFP): And I'm Jess, an INFP, also known as So Unique.

Lou (ESFJ): Today on Personality Love Lab we have Ella and Josh from London. Ella is 31, Josh is 30 and they've been together for eight years.

Jess (INFP): Ella is one of my closest friends. I've seen this relationship blossom right from the very beginning. And I was there the first time that they met! Ella is an ENFJ, also known as So Giving, and Josh is an INFP, also known as So Unique and they would be the perfect match on So Syncd our personality type dating app.

The first question, I know, because I was there, but for our listeners, how did you meet?

Ella (ENFJ): So we met in an atrium where I worked and Jess was with me.

Josh (INFP): Well, you asked me to dinner on effectively first sight or second sight?

Ella (ENFJ): Yeah, I did. Yeah. And you turned me down.

Josh (INFP): I did turn you down but I had to drive back from Oxford to Bath. So, you know, I had a good reason.

Ella (ENFJ): So Josh came for an interview where Jess and I were working at the time and we met you at the end of the day and I invited you for fajitas. And you said, no.

Josh (INFP): I said no, but, I then got the job and was in Oxford for a year, and you were still working there and that was sort of how we got to know each other over six months, I guess?

Ella (ENFJ): Yeah, we became good friends.

Jess (INFP): Yeah.

Josh (INFP): Friend-zoned.

Jess (INFP): Really? Is that how it happened?

Josh (INFP): Well yeah, you always take the micky out of me that I sort of friend-zoned myself. And you friend zoned me, and then we were good friends for a while, and then…

Ella (ENFJ): It was mutual friend-zoning I think. Because I thought you were out of my league, [you] just displayed no sign of interest, but we had a lot of common interests and really got on. So we actually hung out quite a lot.

Josh (INFP): We had a mutual love of partying every single weekend in Oxford with our mates. And then Made in Chelsea as well, embarrassingly.

Ella (ENFJ): David Attenborough and cocoa butter. That was it.

Jess (INFP): Great things to have in common.

Ella (ENFJ): But yeah, we were definitely friends. I remember I used to come down, I lived in one of these houses at the time that had like a revolving door on the front, and just people used to come and go all the time, which was really fun. And I just remember coming down to watch that David Attenborough, and I'd be coming down in my PJs just fresh out the shower, hair in a towel and lathering up in cocoa butter ready to come down to watch the telly.

Josh (INFP): And I think the context as well, you were sharing a flat with another couple. So it wasn't just you in the shower and random people coming in and out of your flat, there were other people there that we used to enjoy hanging out with and going out with, and you were also living in the flat with them and we would all hang out together.

Ella (ENFJ): As friends.

Josh (INFP): As friends.

Jess (INFP): Yeah, and then also I think it was quite a few lucky series of events almost. Because I think it was me who was meant to be showing Josh around right? Because we went to the same university and then you'd seen Josh earlier in the day and you were like, ‘Oh, can I come with you? Just in case it’s Josh, that you are showing round?’ Do you not remember this?

Ella (ENFJ): I don’t remember that.

Josh (INFP): I don’t think I've ever been told this either Jess!

Ella (ENFJ): I was very attracted to you the first time I saw you. But you know that.

Lou (ESFJ): So then when you finally said yes, Josh. What was your first date like?

Josh (INFP): Well, our first date wasn’t officially a date really. I think, you know, there are a few times we had kind of got together, but we were still sort of firmly friend zoning each other. And then we went to that animal park in Oxfordshire.

Ella (ENFJ): Cotswold Wildlife Park.

Josh (INFP): Cotswold Wildlife Park, and had a picnic in the freezing cold.

Ella (ENFJ): And rode the little children’s train.

Josh (INFP): And rode the little children’s train. But I guess that was probably our first date.

Ella (ENFJ): We've got a trend or a theme it seems with going on dates where mostly families go.

Josh (INFP): Well I think more so in the beginning of the relationship. I think we sort of upped our dating game as we've been together.

Jess (INFP): Got a bit sexier.

Josh (INFP): Yeah, yeah.

Lou (ESFJ): I guess you did say you didn't know it was the first date.

Ella (ENFJ): Someone else was actually supposed to come, but they dropped out.

Jess (INFP): Oh I'm not sure that counts as first date then! Let's fast forward to the next one.

Josh (INFP): I guess that was probably Australia then, wasn't it?

Ella (ENFJ): So I was going traveling for five months just after we got together. So we finally realized that we might be interested in each other. And then I left a month later to go on a five-month trip. And before I left, you gave me a card, which said basically, ‘Thanks for being my friend, I’m really going to miss you. Here’s my Skype details, stay in touch’. So you Skyped me while I was in Vietnam and said, ‘Oh, I'm thinking about coming out to see you. When are you going to be in Australia?’ Then you booked a ticket and then you arrived. So then we went on a date, the Saturday night that you arrived down to Darling Harbour to have dinner and watch the fireworks. And then you asked me out. Very quick action on a first date, first date to girlfriend.

Josh (INFP): Yeah. It was a good first date. I mean, it was quite romantic. But in true Ella style you did then throw up later that evening, didn't you?

Jess (INFP): I’d like to say that I was also involved in this mini story in some way. I remember you Josh, you were like, ‘I'm thinking about going out to see Ella in Australia. Do you think she'd like it?’ And in my head, I was like, ‘Yes, yes. She would love it. She'd love it’ trying to contain my excitement. But I played it cool your behalf. I was like, ‘Yeah, I think she would like that actually.’ So…

Josh (INFP): It was a bit of a tough one, because it could be pretty full on, like it's only going to go one way or another. I mean, for me, it went quite well because we’re now married. But Ella could have been like, ‘Who’s this weird guy who is just going to fly across the world to come see me?’ It's a little bit intense. Actually, it's a bit weird. But we'd kind of got together a few times, but I think they were mainly on drunken nights out as well.

Ella (ENFJ): And only in the month before I’d left.

Josh (INFP): I think we both sort of knew in our minds that we liked each other. We were both just trying to play it too cool really.

Lou (ESFJ): And when you came back, did you move in together straight away?

Josh (INFP): Well, no. We sort of had a bit of a long-distance relationship for about, I was about to say three years, but it's probably longer than that. Wasn't it?

Ella (ENFJ): Probably about 5 in total, wasn’t it?

Josh (INFP): Yeah, because you came back and moved back to Oxford and I then went back to Bath for my final year of university. So we sort of got through that, which was fine, to be honest. And then you bought a house in Reading and I moved to East London. Which didn't go down too well. So after university, I moved to Kent for six months to save some money and you were still in Oxford. So again, not too close. And I was a broke student living at home, which has never too fun. Then I decided I was going to do the pretty common thing of move to London with mates and Ella wasn't too happy with me when I said that I'd signed a three-year contract on a rental flat in Stratford, which was literally the, probably the furthest side of London away from Reading.

Ella (ENFJ): Could have been 30 minutes.

Josh (INFP): It could have been 30 minutes.

Jess (INFP): It was an hour and 30 minutes, right?

Ella (ENFJ): It was actually more like two hours.

Jess (INFP): You had a lot of fun times there as well with Josh, right?

Ella (ENFJ): I did. Yeah. Never had a key though.

Josh (INFP): Yeah. This is always a bit of a bone of contention that I never, I guess in probably true male ignorance, I never really understood, I could have given you a key so that you could have come and gone as you pleased. But I just never really thought about that. I was like, ‘Well, I'll just be at home when you want to come and visit. So why do you need a key?’

Ella (ENFJ): It was never convenient. I don't think the first five years of our relationship. But I mean, worth it, so…

Jess (INFP): And what first attracted you to each other? I feel like obviously you saw Josh at the place you were working.

Ella (ENFJ): Very good looking! That was the first thing. And then obviously I thought you were a stranger and I’d never see you again. So that was…

Josh (INFP): Allusive.

Ella (ENFJ): Yeah. And then when I got to know you, you just kind of, you very quickly became another best friend, really.

Josh (INFP): I think for Ella, you came across as quite cool as well, because we worked at a chemistry company, which isn't inherently cool at all, and actually it's going to be awkward if any of the students from my year are listening. But I think I naturally got on better with you and the couple that you were living with. I think because they were slightly older and you're a slightly older than me. But then equally we had the same interests.

You’re extremely easy-going and just very fun-loving. Which I wasn't necessarily getting from the other people I was there on this placement with, and actually was getting it from new set of friends. And so I think we just naturally clicked straight away, naturally liked the same things, having fun, going out, exploring new things, eating food, and I think it was just a very organic. And that's probably why we ended up in a bit of a friendship trap because, you know, to your point, we were attracted to each other, but equally we were very good friends and didn't necessarily want to kind of lose that.

Ella (ENFJ): Yeah. I used to run ‘Try something new Mondays’ because no one likes Monday night.

Jess (INFP): I think I remember this.

Ella (ENFJ): And we used to do a different activity every Monday night. And we did everything, didn't we? From like ice skating, pizza competitions

Lou (ESFJ): And now podcasting!

Ella (ENFJ): So I don't know it just kind of grew from there really. I appreciate more things about you now as a partner than I did as a friend though.

Josh (INFP): Yeah. I think naturally when you're with someone you just get to understand that person a bit more. So I think we definitely know more about each other now. And I know that sounds obvious, but I can read you a lot more easily than I could have done at the beginning and not just from a ‘she's in a bad mood’ or ‘she's in a good mood’. I can tell when something's going on with you, if something's on your mind, but you don't necessarily, or you haven't said it or you don't want to communicate it. It almost becomes a little bit sixth-sensey. Where you can sort of sense that something's not quite right. And it doesn't have to be anything majorly wrong between us or our relationship or even with you. But you can just sort of tell that you might need a bit more space. I think we probably struggled with that a little bit to start with.

Lou (ESFJ): So when did you both first discover your personality types?

Ella (ENFJ): Mine was probably through work, five or so years ago when you do the tests in a corporate setting. And then Jess you made me take one in a pancake house just before you moved to Australia, ‘Oh my Dutch’ in Holborn.

Jess (INFP): And I got you, Carly, and Becky to do it. And then I guessed and I guessed you all right!

Ella (ENFJ): That was the first time I'd really considered it in an out-of-work context. So I do find it really intriguing. I know a lot about my type, not so much about others. And I spent time trying to figure out Josh.

Jess (INFP): I think that was a natural evolution. I think first you read up loads about your own personality type and then you work out the personality types of people close to you, and then you read lots about them and then it kind of expands from there really.

Josh (INFP): Well, I guess mine’s slightly similar, though I'm not as into it as you are. So I think it was after you had found out your personality type and then I think you'd also done another one, but answering as if you were me. Then you were reading out all of the personality traits and I think, for me, it made sense, but I've never really got into it as much as you had. I think you really enjoyed trying to work me out from it, which I don't know what that says about me or you.

Lou (ESFJ): I think everyone's quite interested to see if they're compatible with their partner.

Josh (INFP): Yeah because we're very similar, but then equally we're also very different. We have quite a lot of personality traits where I think we’re very similar. Then equally there’s a lot where we're completely different. I mean, you're extremely patient. I'm very impatient.

Jess (INFP): In what ways do you think you're similar?

Josh (INFP): Both very caring. I would say. And very loyal and trusting, from feedback I've had from friends and from you and equally like what I would say about you. I think we both have quite a high moral compass as well. In terms of differences, I can be extremely strong minded and can be quite stubborn in certain scenarios. Whereas I think, we talk about the bendy ruler and straight ruder thing, in relationships where basically, in every single relationship you have a straight ruler and a bendy ruler.

Ella (ENFJ): Slightly different theory.

Josh (INFP): So the straight ruler is the one who will never flex, never really bend. Whereas the bendy reader is bendy and will always kind of adapt to that situation. And I think like the joke is, is that in all relationships, there's a bendy ruler and a straight ruler. And I think I'm definitely more the straight ruler and you’re the bendy ruler.

Ella (ENFJ): Yeah.

Josh (INFP): But whenever we’ve talk to couple about it, they’re like, ‘Oh my God. Yeah. That's so true! You're the straight ruler or you're the bendy ruler.’

Jess (INFP): Yeah, I think so. We [Jess and Josh] are the same personality type and stubborn and strong minded. I think that they are definitely words that you probably use to describe me.

Lou (ESFJ): Yes, Jessica’s the straight ruler, I’m the bendy ruler!

Jess (INFP): In our relationship.

Ella (ENFJ): But equally it's something I admire about you. The fact that there is not really a person, I don't think on this earth, that could get Josh to do something he didn't want to do in most scenarios. And I kind of admire that because I find myself changing and doing so much for so many people. I end up doing things that actually I don't really want to do and don't really give a lot to me. So yeah, I quite admire it about you actually.

Jess (INFP): That is actually a thing that ENFJs tend to admire about INFPs. We've talked to a few. And then INFPs tend to admire the thoughtfulness and focus on other people that ENFJs have.

Lou (ESFJ): So has knowing your personality type impacted your relationship at all?

Ella (ENFJ): I think knowing my personality type has probably helped me understand me, more than it has [helped me] understand you. I definitely have realised that you need time to yourself. In Ella’s ideal world, I would spend most of my time with you, sitting in silence, going out, staying in, whatever. But I think you actually just appreciate time on your own. And I see it sometimes and it's a conflict for me because I see when you want the time on your own and I really just, it doesn't even really matter what we're doing, but I have to kind of force myself to like give you a bit of space sometimes.

I always thought I was really good at communication actually in relationships. And I'm finding perhaps that I’m not or maybe I'm getting worse? I don't know. But sometimes I have to say, ‘Oh, we need to talk about something’ or ‘I need to talk about something.’ And then that's almost, as far as I can go, I can't necessarily get much more out than that. I basically put my peg in the ground saying, ‘I need to talk about this’ and then run in the other direction.

Josh (INFP): You like quite structured situations of talking about things. Whereas I think at the beginning of our relationship, you were definitely the better communicator than I was. Whereas I think now yeah, you need the structured, ‘we need to talk about this’. And then for me to be bought into that and be like, ‘Okay, let's talk about it’. Whereas I think I would just be like, ‘so what about so-and-so’ or ‘what's up?’ I'd be quite happy to talk about it organically. Whereas I think you probably think about it for a while and then…

Ella (ENFJ): You calm me down quite a lot, as well with things that I can't control. I worry about things that I can't control. And also I can get, I feel the weight of the world sometimes. So like in 2020, it's been a pretty disastrous year. I remember at the start of lockdown and being in here and I was just really sad. And we basically had a conversation about it. And you were in such another place, like quite sort of, ‘Well you can't worry about things that aren't in your control.’ And I was like, ‘The world is ending. All of this is happening. So many people that are suffering.’ And I was in tears, but talking it through with you, it almost levels me out a bit. It helps me realise that maybe I shouldn't worry as much about things that I can't control.

Josh (INFP): I think again, because you're definitely a lot more into the personality types kind of thinking than I am. But I think because you've got more into it, it has helped me be more aware of myself and my traits, but I guess particularly my bad traits say, we try and consciously dial down the bad traits. So if I'm feeling pretty stubborn or I just want to be by myself. I think particularly now that, well, particularly this year, knowing that we were getting married and being married, I think you have to be really aware of a relationship with two people. You can't just be selfish and go and do what you want, you have to sort of make sure that you're working in partnership or you're very much like a team player. Like you always talk about we’re a team and it's the two of us. And I think being a bit more strong-minded, I can be a bit more like blinkers on. This is what I want to do.

Ella (ENFJ): I‘m the A team and you’re the B team.

Josh (INFP): Not even A team and B team but I think you just sort of, I don't know,

Jess (INFP): Slightly more separate?

Josh (INFP): More focused in another direction, which doesn't mean to say that I don't think about us as a relationship. I think sometimes I have to dial myself in and remember that there's two of us. I need to be thinking about what we want and where we're going and equally how you're feeling. But I think because of your interest in, or your increased interest this year into it all [personality types] and starting to talk to me about it, it's probably helped me understand that a bit more.

Jess (INFP): Yeah. It's interesting what you said about communication because ENFJs are some of the best communicators out there, but they really don't like confrontation on the whole. So when it's non-confrontational communication, they're amazing. But when it's confrontational communication, it's a whole other story.

Ella (ENFJ): That makes a lot of sense.

Josh (INFP): Well, this is what used to happen a lot as well. It'd always be when we're like lying in bed about to go to sleep. I would just get Ella being like ‘Are you asleep?’ I'm like ‘Trying to’ and you’re like, ‘Can we just talk about something?’ And I would just be like, ‘Now? We’re trying to go to sleep, I’ve got to be up for work in seven hours, is now the best time to talk? Could we not have talked about it like four hours ago on the sofa?’. But I remember there was a distinct couple of years in our relationship where that had happened quite a bit. And I was like, ‘Look, the last thing I want to do is talk about something serious. Now I'm about to go to sleep.’

Lou (ESFJ): So you're probably thinking you can't sleep, but I always find, when you don't have to have that direct eye contact, it's so much easier to bring a conversation up. If you're lying in the dark and you're not, you're not looking at each other, then it's like, you can just say whatever it is you want to say how you wanted to say it.

Jess (INFP): Yes. So what kind of things do you guys talk about?

Ella (ENFJ): Everything, but I'm more chatty I think, than you are generally. So I think there's very little we don't talk about, but sometimes you're not in the mood to chat and I pretty much always am, I'd say. So sometimes I will try and have conversations with you, in that time, like when you want to be alone, which I now recognise.

Josh (INFP): Otherwise, I think we just talk about anything and everything really. I mean, I think because we've been together for eight years now, eight and a half years. So you just do tend to talk about everything. But weirdly we also communicate, like we'll be working on the same little dining room table, and we'll be messaging each other Instagram memes as we're working. So it's not just the verbal communication we’ll constantly be communicating through Instagram or WhatsApp or sharing a house that you've just seen on like Right Move or something.

Ella (ENFJ): We don't talk on the phone. Do we? Generally, as a rule?

Josh (INFP): No, but I think that's because I hate talking on the phone.

Lou (ESFJ): So how do you guys deal with conflict?

Ella (ENFJ): We don’t have a lot, I think is probably the first thing to say. We're both quite relaxed, so we don't argue much. I hate it. So I tend to, I think, bottle things up inside and it gets to a point where I have to say something, but I don't really enjoy it. Part of it is I think I don't like feeling like Josh doesn't understand how I'm feeling. And I can't quite understand how you couldn't. Because I think I'm quite empathetic. So I think I find it quite easy to understand what was going on in other people, especially you, but sometimes I feel like you might think everything's fine sometimes. When actually I've got something I want to talk about. Not that you'd ever know because I would never say.

Josh (INFP): We've never had a raging argument. I think whenever we've had like a serious falling out, I think it's probably been something that's been quite, not trivial, but I think you're more upset that I'm not understanding your viewpoint or why you would be upset. And I think again, because we haven't really communicated well about it, you would get really upset and then we'll talk about it and then actually we're alright. Whereas for most things, if I got a little bit annoyed at you or you get a little bit annoyed at me, we sort of get over it pretty quickly or one of us would just laugh at the other and then get more annoyed, then we'd laugh about it. And then it's fine. I think because we're both relatively laidback.

Ella (ENFJ): We’re not really fiery are we?

Josh (INFP): No.

Ella (ENFJ): I think we have called time out before. It's like, well, we're not getting anywhere. Let's just go in separate rooms for a bit.

Josh (INFP): Talk about it.

Jess (INFP): When you're going to sleep!

Ella (ENFJ): That's probably because I hate confrontation so much, if it gets too much, I'll just withdraw and I think you’re quite similar.

Jess (INFP): Do you have that, Lou?  Because you and Ella are quite similar personality types?

Lou (ESFJ): I'd love to know what it's like to have a relationship where you don't have fiery arguments all the time! I think with my relationship now, he's so chilled out and like horizontal. So actually, we don't have arguments.

Jess (INFP): Because he doesn't argue back.

Lou (ESFJ): Yeah, because also, he's not a big talker. Like he doesn't know what to say. He actually goes silent. And he said to me before, like his brain just goes blank.

Josh (INFP): Yeah. I felt that feeling before though when we've been having, I could see it. Because rather than going fiery, I think you're a bit of a crier. So then rather than shouting you just start crying. And then I think I'd have that similar reaction. I'm like, ‘Oh God, she’s crying.’ And I always assumed it was quite a male reaction to be like, ‘Errr’, like bottled up not really being able to say [anything]. But I guess it's more your personality type. And that's how you react to certain scenarios.

Jess (INFP): What do you most like about each other's personalities?

Josh (INFP): Ella’s very loyal. You've got a very strong moral compass and you're very compassionate and empathetic. So I think they’re qualities that I think I value in people generally, but I think that they are the qualities that I see most in you. And they're also qualities that I think because I admire in people or I seek out in, I think particularly friends or people, that you want to trust them. For me, it's a really nice thing to see and to be a part of. Equally, I like the empathetic side of things, like I say, I'm probably quite an empathetic person, but more so, you are more caring and compassionate than I am.

Ella (ENFJ): So there's some similar things that I really appreciate; how loyal you are. I would say for you, especially with your friends, I feel like you have a really tight knit group of friends and you're very loyal. You're always there for each other. It's really heart-warming. The other thing I would say is you're really driven and ambitious as well and not apologetic about it, which I really like, because I feel like I'm quite driven and ambitious as well, but almost apologetically so, whereas you’re driven and ambitious in a really positive way, I think. I think when we think about what's important, a lot of what's important to us aligns and I think that's really important for us as a couple. I think we both have really strong moral compasses. We both seem to be striving towards the same things, in the same direction, which is nice because I feel like he's my teammate on that journey with me rather than someone that I'm trying to bring on my path or someone that I'm compromising and going off on a different path for. I feel a long-term compatibility with you, which makes me feel safe, it’s like home.

Lou (ESFJ): What would you change about each other's personality?

Ella (ENFJ): I would take away the fact that Josh needs alone time. So I could spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week with him! No, sometimes the stubbornness is a bit difficult. If he could be a bit softer sometimes with the stubbornness, I think, because I can just take it quite personally. The biggest thing for me is if I don't feel that you understand where I'm coming from, I feel that deeply, I guess, but it works.

Josh (INFP): I think it's funny because I think then for me, for Ella, I hate it when you over apologize for things when you sometimes do it to me. But I think more so when I see you apologize in random social scenarios or to other people. And I think again, because I'm very stubborn and single-minded, I'd be like, ‘why the hell are you?’ And because equally, because I love you and care about you, I'm like, ‘why are you apologizing for that? You don't need to apologize. And why are you apologizing for this random scenario that means nothing to anybody?’ And I think me being very stubborn and being who I am and seeing you almost like, not martyr yourself, but apologizing to someone when it’s not your fault. I'm like, ‘Well, you shouldn't need to do that. You're in the right. You're better than that. So you don't need to do that.’

Ella (ENFJ): I don’t like that about myself either. Like, I'll take someone a cake and I'll be like, ‘Oh, here's your cake. I'm really sorry that doesn't have a cherry on top’.

Jess (INFP): What challenges have you faced as a couple?

Ella (ENFJ): Probably our biggest one has been distance, hasn't it? Over our eight years, not being in the same place. Compounded by not speaking on the phone!

Josh (INFP): Yeah, limited communication and long-distance. I think we were never worried as well about moving in together. So when we did decide to move in together, we bought our flat together, which is quite a big step, but that was really easy. Whereas I think actually, yeah, the long distance, bit for five years was pretty tough.

Jess (INFP): And any other challenges that you faced?

Ella (ENFJ): So I can be quite jealous sometimes, which I recognized as not the best trait. So sometimes I have to think about that because if you're going off and doing something really fun with other people, I get a bit jealous that I'm not there, or I'm not able to go and do that. So it’s more jealousy around time. I'm never worried about you from like a cheating perspective or like sometimes I'm jealous about missing out on stuff. More like FOMO, maybe that's a better way to put it.

Josh (INFP): But it's weird because I think I would probably say that that doesn't come across, at least not in our relationship but maybe that’s because you don’t communicate it. I mean like prime example, we just got married and then I went off on a two-week motorbike trip with my school friends and actually everyone's always joked with me, like my colleagues and friends being like, ‘Oh my God, how's your wife signed this off? How have you managed to kind of get this through the door?’ Whereas you've always been like, ‘No, go and do it. Like I know it means a lot to you’.

Ella (ENFJ): There's just no sign off procedure. No, but I mean, in all seriousness in that scenario, you were supposed to be going away for three weeks to the USA right this year. So obviously that's been adjusted to the two weeks that you've just been on. But I think if you rewind by 18 months when you were talking about it, you came in a said it really excited, like it was the best thing in the world. And then all I hear is ‘I'm taking three weeks off in the year we get married to go to the US’. But obviously you're so excited and I can see that. So I don't want to say anything. And then I keep that inside probably for like 6 months.

Jess (INFP): Until he’s about to leave!

Ella (ENFJ): And then when we have the conversation where actually, I'm quite sad that we're not able to go away somewhere for like more than a week on our honeymoon because you're already going on a three-week bike trip. So yeah, that's kind of how things play out, but it's fine. I keep saying it's fine.

Josh (INFP): Conversely, I think if you'd said to me, I'm going to go away for two weeks to Vietnam with a girls’ thing, I'd be like, ‘Great, go do it.’ But again, I think that's where you want to spend all your time with me. Just for the record I do love spending time with you.

Ella (ENFJ): I also love spending time with my friends.

Lou (ESFJ): So final question. What are you both most looking forward to in your future together?

Ella (ENFJ): Fun. Doing things together.

Josh (INFP): I think probably just growing with each other. I think in particularly now that we've both turned 30 and got married. We'd been more reflective of us as a couple and like how we've been. I don't know. I think personally, turning 30, you’re a lot more self-aware so I think I'm looking forward to us growing with each other and developing and working that out. And equally, going through all of those exciting life stages that you inevitably go through after marriage and children. All that sort of stuff. So I think it's just quite a nice thing, particularly at this sort of stage when we'd been together for eight years and been married that we’re very understanding of each other. And I think we probably can read each other quite well and hopefully that continues rather than getting worse.

Ella (ENFJ): It’s exciting.

Jess (INFP): Cool. Well thank you so much for coming on Personality Love Lab.

Lou (ESFJ): Yeah, thank you.

Jess (INFP): Really great to chat.

Ella (ENFJ) and Josh (INFP): Thanks for having us.

Lou (ESFJ): Thank you for listening to Personality Love Lab. We hope you enjoyed hearing this love story about personality type compatibility, and don't forget to click subscribe.

Jess (INFP): And if you're looking for your own love story, head over to your app store now and download So Syncd, the dating app that matches compatible personality types. It’s free and you can find people who are looking to connect on a deeper level.